Thursday, April 07, 2011

At least I don't own an AK

Wednesday April 6

Today was a bad day. It started out ok. Kevin and I went over a buddy's house to hang out and his brother was there. I'd met him only once before but he seemed pretty cool. Kevin was joking with him about how he had "seent" cancer. He didn't get it because he didn't know yet, so Kevin grabs my chin and says "Right in here. I seent it on his tonsil!" The brother says, "that's not cancer" like it's a joke and I had to tell him what's going on.
I had told Kevin earlier that day that I could see a plaque on my tonsil and realized that it was probably why the doc knew it was cancer and was so certain where it was. Kevin wanted to see it so I showed him. He immediately felt weird having actually seen cancer.

Bob's brother was cool, asked questions about it, listened to my replies. Talked about people he knew who had it. All good. As I'm leaving, someone else had come over and people were kinda spread out through the kitchen and living room, and Bob's brother comes across the house and out the door to say bye to me. I was a bit surprised and completely munsonned the handshake and the next that then turned into the worst bro-hug I've ever given and then I had to leave.

I think I'd kept it pretty much together since the 1st, but for some reason I can't right now. I don't know why that triggered it. Because he wasn't a close friend but had done what my close friends don't because they know me? Because a near stranger showed more concern in that moment that anyone else here has? Kevin would give me bear-hugs all day if he thought it would help me. He has a very physical relationship with his son, wrestling with him and giving him dad-hugs and stuff. I'm just not like that. Or is it because I think he's scared for me? That's probably what did it to me. Whatever the reason, I didn't go to work. My manager was understanding.

6:31pm Let's see what my fortune says:

"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work"


Olivia said...

I really admire your courage to let anyone read your thoughts and feelings as you go through this difficult and emotional journey (betcha didn't know I subscribed to your blog a long time ago!).

Trust that I would probably make you feel awkward and hug you as well if you weren't on the other side of the country!

I'll be sending you positive thoughts every single day.

(of forever-ago Plaza-ness. *ahem* Olivia Schlosser-Hogue, if you have multiple plaza Livvies in your life and need a reminder :))

Guy said...

Thanks Livvy! and no reminder needed.
I didn't know you subscribed!
I always smile when I see how happy your life is now. Makes me happy :)