Saturday, February 25, 2012

Not Winning

I've been trying to return the focus of this blog back to art, mostly my own, but I've been meaning to throw out a cancer update as I haven't had one in a while.

There isn't anything new to report, just some remaining issues to deal with. Some have gotten better, some worse. It's hard to say whether the saliva issue is getting better or not. It's been six months since my last radiation treatment and I have to say that I don't know that I'm all that much further than I was last August. There is some difference in that I can swallow certain foods that I wasn't able to then, chicken and certain other meats in particular. Breads are still pretty much a no-go unless I have a full glass of whatever to help it down. The lack of saliva simply makes it impossible for me to swallow such dry fair. I can swallow it part way but once it hits the back of my tongue, it sticks there, holding on for dear life and sometimes even milk or water won't force it down and I have to choke it up or choke on it. Makes for great dinner company.

The main reason I'm not sure there's been much progress, even though I can eat things I couldn't before, is how dry my mouth gets at night. This hasn't changed much since August. I wake up 5 or 6 times to get something to drink or simply rinse my mouth, as my lips tend to get stuck to my teeth and my tongue to the roof of my mouth. I used to keep a small bottle of Biotene next to the bed but that stuff is useless. Water works just as well, which is really only for about an hour. Then it's back to not being able to open my mouth. On the plus side, I'm fairly certain the surgery cured my sleep apnea.

And then there's my shoulder. This is part of the whole neck and chest muscle thing. The surgeon took my right pec muscle and used it to fill in the gaping hole in my neck after surgery. The muscle still works, but being a chest muscle doesn't much help in your neck. It needs to not work. Any flex of my chest muscle and I get an unpleasant "tug" in my throat and mouth, where my tongue attaches to the base of my mouth. The muscle was reattached at the underside of my jaw and any use of that muscle pulls on the jaw and tissue there, feeling like it's going to tear every time I do something like roll over in bed. Anything that uses that pec muscle. A push-up would be a bit traumatic.

But back to the shoulder. The chest and throat issues I've kinda learned to live with. Therapy doesn't seem to fix things so much as alleviate the tightness for a while. The problem with my shoulder can be helped by therapy, but I'm not sure how much, really. When they took the muscle from my chest, they only cut one anchor point, at the shoulder, and simply pivoted it around and reattached that anchor point to my chin. In addition to doing all the chest flexing, this muscle also helped keep my shoulder in place, helped keep the joint attached. Now any extreme movements of my shoulder, like scratching my ass or sleeping on my right side, make it feel like my shoulder has dislocated, which is a real possibility.


And then we get to the other issues. The ones that have nothing to do with cancer. My roommate, Kevin, was basically killed by a drunk driver in 2007. He died on the street and was revived in the chopper. Crushed skull, lacerated liver, broken bones now with metal in them, brain trauma. He should have been on disability since then, but since his wife was a waste of skin like mine, she didn't do much of anything to help him and the other people in his life didn't do much either, apparently. Anyway, long story short, he had a seizure the other day. Woke up on the floor with blood in his mouth. Went to the emergency room and got x-rays and a cat scan and yup, seizure.

So now, doctor's orders, he can't drive, can't work and needs to get the disability he should have been on since '07. Except that it takes about nine months to get approved for disability. And how is he supposed to live between now and then? Food? Rent? Bills? With no job and no car and no ability to work? Seeing as Arizona has no financial assistance for adults... No answer to that other than - I have to find more work than I already have but somehow make sure my part-time crap job is crappy enough to not make more than $900 a month or I lose my health insurance and can't get it back. As a friend said to me today, that's literally life and death for me.

So yeah, not winning.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Minotaur WIP

These aren't as nice as the octopus pics. Not too bad for a phone cam, but still. I thought you guys might like to see how I went at this one.
As before, I work from way lighter than the image will end up. This kind of helps me plan the process along the way as well as mitigate any errors I might make.
 




Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Long Gone Day

The name for this painting was inspired by the poppies, of course. I wanted to go a different route than the usual, and I was looking through song title to get an idea for a lyric or something that could inspire a name. My brain drifted to favorites and fell on Mad Season, Alice in Chains' singer and guitarist's side project. The band tied in because of their infamous heroin use - poppies, and the lyrics fit the mood of the painting pretty well.

11" x 14"
Acrylic on canvas

See you all from time to time
Isn't it so strange
How far away we all are now
and I'm the only one who remembers that summer
Oh, I remember
Everyday each time the place was saved
The music that we made
The wind has carried all of that away

Long gone day
Mmmm, who ever said
We wash away with the rain
I had painted it mostly because the poppy series has been very popular, and my friend Ivonne had the last one bought out from under her, a situation most artists would be very happy with. I am happy to be painting and selling, but I definitely don't want to fall into some weird niche where all I paint are poppies.

Either way, I was happy with the way the painting turned out, for the most part. and Ivonne bought it right away. She's happy, I'm happy. All is right with the world, for about ten minutes.

Venilia

I have had this image of an octopus in my brain for a long time now and after doodling it on scraps of paper for years, I finally decided to get something more substantial down on paper. The results are mixed. I am very pleased with the octopus, not so much the mermaid.


Of course, once the drawing was finished, it had to be colored. There must be something new with the toner they use for my printer, because I had previously tested it with my Copic markers and they definitely smeared the toner. For some reason they don't do that any longer. Regardless, I can now color copies rather than committing the ink right to the original. The face looks different because it is. I am using a copy made before I reworked it.











I'm getting better at planning ahead, but when the muse comes, I just have to follow and sometimes it's actually distracting to get up and get supplies and tripods and such, and I lose the thread of inspiration. It sounds silly, but when I've tried to muscle past it, I can't focus and it shows in the work. Hard to explain.

Anyway, I was thinking of the scrapbookers and copicmarkerscrapbooking.com and took the time to get some pictures of the work in progress so they can see how I work.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Noodlings

Internet-fueled, mental Frippertronics. The loops of useless information spinning through the web keep playing through my screenface.

I was looking through one of my favorite sites, Thinkgeek, when I saw this horsehead mask:
Which was cool in itself.


Reading through the description, I come across a link to this:



Now, seeing this would normally disturb most people. After all, it is a horse-man stalking a young schoolgirl and menacing her with a hairbrush, but I sat hear at my desk and lol-snorted to an empty house.
The scene is from Full Metal Panic, whatever in the Engrish hell that means, and my daughter watched it when she was younger. A normal late Saturday probably, Adult Swim off-night, as I called it, when they played a string of anime. I'm likely on the computer listen/watching, Kaia on her laptop and the familiar squeals and speed-talk chirps waft out of the tv screen. Suddenly a horse on two legs is screaming "Pony. PONY! PONY!!!" at this poor girl and then he's lunging at her with a hairbrush and screaming louder, "PONY!!!!". I don't think the two of us have laughed any harder together before or since. This epic, wierd, wtf moment was our nerd-bonding, like when my dad and I used to rush to the living room to catch Star Trek every week, or us going to one of the first Trek Cons. Good times.

Kinda like the time this guy must be having:




And then, of course, there's this:


Leave Britney alone!!


Skelecrows in the Mail

New Skelecrow© Stuff



In case you haven't seen these before, they're real stamps and 100% legal to mail letters or packages.

Regular postage stamps just too Hallmark for your letters? Now you can send your dark messengers out in the world with more than just Jedi mind powers.


Laudator Temporis Acti, has been published and should appear in the Zazzle Marketplace and in my Store within 24 hours!



Laudator Temporis Acti Stamp


Omens 3



Omens 3 Stamp


Murderwall



Murderwall Stamp


Nepenthe



Nepenthe Stamp


Stormcrow



Stormcrow Stamp


Bourne



Bourne Stamp


What Do?



What Do? Stamp

Protostamps

New additions to my Protogallery:

In case you haven't seen these before, they're real stamps and 100% legal to mail any letter or package.

Carencro Church Stamp, has been published and should appear in the Zazzle Marketplace and in my Store within 24 hours!

Carencro Church Stamp

Persistence of Memory



Persistence of Memory Stamp

Poppy Dreams



Poppy Dreams Stamp

Seperation Anxiety



Seperation Anxiety Stamp

Haybales

Haybales Stamp
Cloudscape No 3

Cloudscape No 3

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Working Man

Been busy trying to get stuff done around here. Actually, been getting it done for a change. I finished the mythology series for Colleen's scrapbooking biz, painted a smaller Poppy painting for the series which wasn't a series until I saw the response to the painting on the Facebooks.



I admit it was both cool and upsetting that two people both wanted the piece and it went right away. So it's a series now. As long as people understand that I am going to try very hard not to just copy the painting over and over. Ask my mom, I hate her favorite (besides me) artist, Rodrigue, for his canned and repetitive hackery. Or Kinkaide. I respect the guy as a business man, but not as an artist.

The cable is staying off until something I give a damn about comes on. Probably sometime in April.

I finally finished the portrait of my niece, River, that I had promised my cousin, Tara, all the way back in December. I'm happy with the results, though I'd probably peck at it forever if I didn't ship it out.


Probably going to head to my roomie's work to watch the game. Go Giants?

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Samantha Channels 1975 - 2012

There have been many times when people have said "They're not real friends. It's just online." Now, I've known this is baloney for a long time, but sometimes you get poked by the reality of knowing and not "knowing" people you meet online.


I have never met Samantha. In fact, I've never really even chatted with her online either, merely shared a "like" and a comment every once in a while. She was only a Facebook friend, after all. I'd met Samantha fairly soon after I was diagnosed. I had been searching for any support group I could find and found her through some Facebook group or another. The rest is littered with cliches like 'struggle' and 'brave' and 'heartrending'. She inspired me with her strength, and her family's strength and loyalty made me smile, reminded me of my own.

Samantha had a particularly ravenous cancer - melanoma. She had been fighting tooth and nail when I met her and continued fighting, even as the news kept getting worse and worse. Through numerous chemo treatments to clinical trials, she didn't quit, though you could see in her regular updates that she was struggling and tired.

I found out about her passing pretty late. Mostly because I'm not the best FB friend. I'm bad about going past the update page, but I did notice I hadn't seen an update lately and I knew that it meant the worst. I procrastinated, like with everything else and now I feel like the worst kind of friend.

Goodbye, Samantha. Peace in that unwanted but much needed rest. You might not have been a "real" friend, but you meant a lot to me.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sh*t Stupid People Say

“Now you are making gross assumptions about myself and Cris. You have absolutely no idea what was going through my head when I wrote the post.”

I think this wins the award for the most unintentionally ironic statement ever.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

As Expected

Once I realized that comments on Miss Lying Liar's blog were moderated, I knew there was no way she would publish my comment. I was hoping she might, seeing as there were already some negative comments in the "article" before I found it. I suspect that she decided to moderate her comments after the initial backlash to her attempt at journalism.

The face of inanity 

Once I posted my own blog response, since I knew she would ignore my comment on her blog, I figured that she would either shut up and hide or totally lose her mind and go on a rant about terrorist left wing goons.

Turns out I was half right. She not only ignored my reply, both on her blog and in Facebook (I messaged her my response so she wouldn't miss it), but she removed her blog post altogether, without comment. On the one hand, her hateful and false "article" is no longer being read, which is a good thing, on the other hand, I think her experience over the article might have pushed her over to full-on nutso Tea Party idiot. Her very next post was about squishing "Occupy pimples" and other fun sentiments.

In case you were wondering, I only provided one link and that to the now-dead article. I'd rather not give her any readers or any clicks to make money off of. That being said, don't let me stop you from exercising your right to free speech. I'm sure she'll understand. Me, I think I'm blocked from commenting.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Everyone Is Cured Sooner Or Later

I'm not sure why, but when one side is yelling about corruption in government and the other side is yelling about corruption in government - there is a serious disconnect when we are yelling at each other.

Each and every one of us should go to our state official's website. Mayor, Governor, Senator, President, doesn't matter. Tell them, not these stupid and blind fools, so blind they can't see the bars they're fighting to make stronger.

Of course, you could always phone or mail them. No, mail to help the post office. cool.

Friday, January 20, 2012

...from a good safe distance

After my old WoW guildmaster, Niq, AKA Danny Evarts, introduced me to a few people who had seen my 99% pic, I've been getting questions about my art. So, yay. I thought I'd post a list of links to my stuff online. I won't be able to get them all but I'm going to focus on paintings to narrow it down a bit.

Social links first:

https://www.facebook.com/guy.gondron
http://twitter.com/Protoguy
http://protoguy.tumblr.com/



Original art and prints. I have a few options as people have expressed preferences:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Protoguy - original artwork
http://protoguy.deviantart.com/ - Prints on paper and giclee (canvas prints)
http://www.bluecanvas.com/protoguy - Posters and prints
http://www.artistrising.com/galleries/Guy - Posters and prints

Since this particular piece got so much attention, here's a link to my Cafepress shop:

http://www.cafepress.com/mountainpoppies - Posters, prints and cards.
http://www.artistrising.com/products/538786/Mountain-Poppies.htm - Posters and prints.
http://www.deviantart.com/print/20176358/ - Prints and Giclee.



http://www.protoguy.org - My home page. As always, it needs updating.

Lost Keys

Not really. Sold them. Sold it - one key.
The old Nissan I'd had sitting in my driveway, wavering between trying to fix it and needing money. Money won and Car-With-No-Name is gone.



Later that morning, as I'm driving to finally get a tire for the one I'd had a nail in since November (thanks Wendy! but bills came first), I see a pristine (to my eyes, anyway) Nissan Altima just like mine, same color, clean, a silver ghost riding ahead of me.

Where wilt thou lead me? speak; I'll go no further.
My buddy with a potential job offer in Miami called to talk about it. Most likely head to an interview if I get a positive response to my resume and samples. We shall see.

On to better things! I had saved one of these links before my surgery and stumbled across a second one last week, now I can't find that first one. For the morbidly curious like myself:

****Be Warned! These are pictures of surgery.****

Not my surgery, but similar to my surgery. The main difference seems to be, aside from the location of the cancer, which required the removal of part of the jaw, there is no pec-flap procedure done that I can see.
Again, not fun, not cool if you are at all squeamish. Also one more reason why I feel lucky.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hapshaw/sets/72157623086832915/

If I were in his place, I'd probably still feel lucky, considering how much more debilitating it could have been. I still worry about a recurrence and losing my ability to eat during treatment. The titanium jaw looks extremely fragile and painful, though, and he seems to have a lot of nerve damage.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Damien Hirst 1965 - 2012

Controversial artist, Damien Hirst, has passed away:

"Damien Steven Hirst, the world's richest artist ($332 million according to Britain's Sunday Times), full-time businessman, part time art-collector, sometime restaurateur, P.T. Barnum imitator, and most famous member of the Young British Artists (or YBAs), a creative covey who came to prominence in the 1990s, died last Thursday, January 12, in New York following complications from acute diverticulitis.."

Apparently this columnist wasn't a fan. He continues:

"...brought on by a swinishly speculative, grossly cynical, intellectually constipated effort to pinch out 11 concurrent exhibitions of rehashed expensive crap. He was 46."




Hirst is probably most famous for his somewhat iconic "The Physical Impossibility of Death", a large installment/sculpture, essentially a tiger shark floating in formaldehyde. This theme of death and preservation flowed through his work and was a major influence in the visuals for the movie, The Cell, in particular, the scene in which a horse is seemingly sliced into sections that are still disturbingly alive.

The other piece he is most known for is of a human skull encrusted with diamonds. Entitled "For the Love of God" after his mother asked him, "For the love of God, what are you going to do next?". Obviously go big or go home. Dubbed "the most expensive piece of art ever", the real human skull is covered in real diamonds, it created a dual controversy by garnering a huge price at auction which was undoubtedly helped by questions of the skull's origins.



Love the guy or hate him, he left his mark, and that's always the artist's end goal. On a personal note, yeah, he was one year younger than me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Camoulfaged Lunch


Anti-Theft Lunch Bags are zipper bags that have green splotches printed on both sides, making your freshly prepared lunch look spoiled. Don't let a sticky-fingered coworker or schoolyard bully get away with lunch theft again!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

All We've Ever Had Was Now

Got the results of my latest PET Scan and everything looks good. My white blood cell count is at the low end of normal, there's some "stable" metabolic activity around the surgical site as well as the opposite side of my neck. Doc says that's all normal and she's happy with the results. Which means I'm happy with the results. Two more scans, one every four months and I'm through a year. But we won't look that far ahead.

She was concerned about my neck and the tightness there. Scar tissue and muscle issues and all. She wants to have me continue physical therapy. I mentioned speech therapy and she said she could give me a referral again, but it's most likely an insurance issue still, whether they'd cover it.


The Flaming Lips' "All We Have is Now" (Music Video: Unofficial) from Brent Long on Vimeo.

Monday, January 09, 2012

Where the Wild Things Came To Be

Tate Shots presents a rare video interview with illustrator Maurice Sendak.


"Maurice Sendak, the creative genius behind books such as 'Where the Wild Things Are' and 'In the Night Kitchen', is an illustrator whose work has been seen by millions of people all over the world."

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Ink'd

No, not me. My kid.
I'd get a tattoo if I could ever decide on what I'd want on me forever. I feel like it has to be my drawing, but quite often I'll hate something I've drawn that only a year earlier I thought was awesome.
She wanted something specific, of course, but we'd narrowed it down. A griffin, with eagle's claws up front, in a crouching/stalking pose.



Since I was on vacation, my days were hectic and filled with appointments, and I didn't get to draw the final one until pretty close to her inkin day. She called me to say her artist needed the sketch early, so I put down what I had in mind and finished it up pretty fast. Faster than I'd have liked by a lot, but she loves it and something I drew is... on...her skin...forever...

Brett Barr, at Built 4 Speed Tattoos
did a great job with the color!


We went through all the parent things, "You're going to regret it", "You're going to have a hard time finding a job", all the advice we're supposed to give when big decisions are to be made. I knew they'd be ignored. Her answer was always the trump. "It's my daddy's drawing. I'll never not love it."