A Name For It

Don't take this post so much as a list of complaints as a list of information. Yeah, that's right, I'm not griping, I'm informing! Go with that.

I just found out that something I've been noticing isn't just some random thing but it is an actual condition with a name and everything. Right about the time my radiation treatments stopped I started noticing an electric tingling in my neck and back if I bend my neck forward. Lhermitte's sign. It's not an unpleasant feeling but it's definitely something I worried over a little bit. My Facebook friend, Jennifer Morita Kerr, had asked me if I had had any neuropathy, or nerve damage, from treatment and I hadn't thought of mentioning this, as I hadn't been aware that it was technically neuropathy.

Lhermitte's sign can be caused by radiation as well as chemo, particularly large doses of platinum-based chemo, which I had with Cisplatin. It is also caused by spinal disk herniation, which I also have (unrelated to the treatment) as well as nitrous oxide abuse, which I do not partake in, as well as a number of other conditions, including Multiple Sclerosis.

So let's expand the list of knowledge:

• Nerve damage to:

Tongue
Soft palette
Right side of neck from jawline to collarbone
Right ear
Right side of chest
Spinal column (Lhermitte's sign)
Throat muscles
Slight numbness in fingers and toes (dissipating)

• Extremely reduced saliva production making eating a risky chore
• Radiation damage to throat muscles causing them to misfire or not work at all, making swallowing an always-risky event
• Pain and discomfort in shoulder as well as seriously reduced range of motion
• Pain in neck and chest from reconstructive surgery (the whole chest muscle in my neck thing
• Tendonitis in my neck where tendons are exposed due to the removal of tissue and muscle covering them

Minor complaints:

• Tinnitus (constant cicadas in my ears). Cisplatin is known to cause this. It basically kills the little hairs in your ear canals.
• Reduced hearing (probably the same
• Permanent loss of hair at the base of my skull
• Lack of "seal" in mouth, adding to my difficulty swallowing as well as making sneezing and blowing my nose difficult. No gargling. Too much risk of choking.
• Almost daily muscle spasms in neck
• Circulation issues (always cold)
• Pain in jaw (minor TMJ)
• I think I have 'chemo brain'. I have always been a bit of an airhead, but my usually excellent memory seems to have suffered a bit.
• I miss my tooth and my chin whiskers
• I also miss sandwiches. A lot.

Cancer sucks. All cancers are horrible destroyers, but of all the various forms cancer takes, Head and Neck Cancer is among the most traumatic when it comes to long term effects. I'm not trying to diminish anyone else's struggle or victories over cancer, but losing a breast or part of your lung isn't quite the same as losing your ability to eat, talk or in some cases, breathe without help. Roger Ebert lost his entire lower jaw. This means a permanent feeding tube and no speech, even with a throat mic.

*edit* and yeah, I did minimize everyone else's struggle. Losing a breast or a piece of your lung is pretty damn traumatic, to say the least.

Still, even with this laundry list of gripes, I feel very fortunate. That it was found in time. That I found a great surgeon. That my awesome oncological team did what they said they could do - cure me. That I can still eat AND TASTE real food. I don't know if I would make it very long pouring nasty gunk in a tube in my stomach for the rest of my life. I'm fortunate that I have amazing friends and family. I'm fortunate that my list of ills isn't longer and scarier. That I can function. That I'm alive to go see The Avengers with Kaia earlier tonight.

So Happy I Forgot

My last post promised news and I dropped that like a bar of soap. The good news and my kid coming to town had me a bit distracted.
My scan was all clear and my doctor was very pleased. She only complained about how skinny I am. I think I am a bit thin, but am not really interested in packing on the pudge she seems to be remembering from before treatment. I've actually gained 4 pounds since my last appt. My next scan isn't for six months now. One more 6-monther after that and then it's once a year.

Let the Wild Rumpus Start! Maurice Sendak 1928 - 2012

It's very weird seeing someone doing a lively, funny interview, as Maurice Sendak, the creator of Where the Wild things are, had done only a month or so ago on Stephen Colbert's show, and then find out they're dead.

My favorite tv and movie and everything else website, Pajiba, has a great memorial, but the comments are better and have great links to his interviews.

Peter de Sève

I got your average pushmail today but couldn't send it straight to the trash without mentioning it here, if only so I can get some sympathetic mojo from the awesomeness of this man's work.

I've been seeing Peter de Sève's illustrations for ever, but didn't realize how awesome he was until I found out that he was the artist behind the rather different and goofy character design for Ice Age. The spiraling rocks, the impossible yet expressive body types, you could almost see the swirling pen strokes in the landscapes. He has also worked on Finding Nemo, A Bug's Life and Robots, but his style doesn't shine through as much as in Ice Age, especially his scruffy squirrel/rat, Scrat.

Anywho, he's done many New Yorker covers over the years and the magazine is offering them as prints. Not too pricey. Well, too pricey for me, unless they're signed or something, which they're not.

Anyway, that's my art public service for the day.

Ironed Out Chucks

Figured it was safe to post what I made for the offspring to wear to the Avengers premier.

R.I.P. MCA

I'm a bit behind on this one. Every news and entertainment outlet has already done their retrospective tribute to Adam Yauch. All the tweets have been twittered and the faces booked. I write this now almost out of a feeling of obligation. It's not that I don't want to say something about the man, it's that I don't want to think about where he is and where I am.

I was never a huge Beastie Boys fan. To be honest, I hate everything they did before Ill Communication, where they truly crossed hip-hop and metal, not that screamy crap rap they were doing first. Brass Monkey and No Sleep make we want to hurt things. I've liked them since then, but only own one CD, said Ill, and don't have any songs on any playlist.

When I'd heard he had died, I hadn't known at first why. I was fairly surprised, as I hadn't known he was Illin. Too soon?.. Then I found out that he had cancer in one of his salivary glands and things got real, as the kids say. It's a strange concept, that any cancer above the chest is considered to be in one category: Head and Neck Cancer. I'm not sure if brain tumors or skin cancers on the head or face fall into that category, but Salivary Gland Cancer and Tonsil Cancer do.

I find myself wanting to know more about his experiences, his decisions. I can't wrap my brain around why his cancer took his life and why mine didn't. Why his took it after three years. Did he stop treatment? Did he opt for less aggressive treatment? Did he just have a very stubborn cancer? Did it spread? Did it go away only to return? This is our concern, Dude.

Everyone's cancer is different. I guess that's the thing I'm learning here. Why do some people end up losing their bottom jaw and some people can still use theirs to gripe about the food they have trouble eating? Get checked, people.

I have a PET Scan in a couple of hours. This will be my third scan. Second since ending radiation and chemo. Hopefully the area that was a little 'glowy' last time will be gone.

*edit* I'll know on the 10th when I meet with my oncologist.

Temporary Titles

I'm going with the rather bland name, Ridgeline until I can think of a good one for this. It's only about halfway finished, but my technique is similar to the previous painting, Desperately Wanting. The difference here is that I used a better camera and a tripod. I plan to get the rest down for posteriors, but wanted to get this up in the meantime. Next time I will get video. Okay, let's go behind the curtain once more.

I should probably explain the red canvas.
These canvasses came from a friend of my roommate's.
I think they were some sort of DIY modern art project.
3 Red canvasses.

I like a warm undertone to my paintings, but I usually go more orange or yellow,
Unless it's supposed to be around dusk or something. Not much really shows through, but it
presents opportunities to, and, depending on the paints used, can remain softly in the background.

 

As you can see from these two, I apply the paint directly from the tube onto the canvas.
I do this for a couple of reasons, but mostly because it always seemed silly to put it onto
another surface and paint it up while mixing. I know the colors I want to use and I hate wasting all that paint.

After pushing all that paint around.
I think it would have taken me at least twice as long and would have used more paint
if I had squeezed the paint onto a palette first.

Redefining the structure of the image a bit.

Tweaking it a little more.

Reworked some of the sky, adding some violet and brick red to grey it down some.

I'd say it's about halfway done at this point.
Overall it needs to be lightened up considerably, at least in the foreground.
The middle ground to the right needs some attention as well.

I Remember Running Through the Wet Grass

One of the problems with painting is deciding you are done. This is a relative concept, of course. It is only done when you decide it is, and in many cases, a piece can be considered done at many points in its development.


The decision about when to stop, for me, tends to land near the decision on the style of the piece.The more abstract I want the image, the earlier I stop laying shapes and colors and start refining them. A few more passes at the canvas and it's a passable Impressionist piece. The further I paint, the closer I get to Realism.

The poor quality of the images don't help the argument, but these are some in progress shots:

The canvas started out rather Kandinsky-esque as
I blocked in sky and laid out color tones for the field.
The canvas came to me already painted red, which is nice, as I like the undertone.
It helps the image stay warm with all those cool blues and greens.

I almost stopped at this point. I may even try to recreate the feel of this image.
It has a bit of a Diebenkorn feel, without the vertical angularity.

A little more refined. Totally could have stopped here.
Like a Chase landscape

The finished piece.

Desperately Wanting
2012 Guy Gondron
24"x36"
Acrylic on canvas

I could probably work on it forever if I didn't get tired of seeing it on my easel.

Artist Lucian Freud Leaves $156 million in Will

(Reuters) - Portrait painter Lucian Freud left a record 96 million pounds ($156 million) in his will, the largest sum bequeathed by a British artist, the Mail on Sunday newspaper reported.
Freud died in July last year aged 88, by which time his uncompromising, fleshy portraits had made him one of the world's most revered and coveted artists, whose subjects ranged from England's Queen Elizabeth II to the supermodel Kate Moss.

 

Freud, the grandson of psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, is known chiefly for his thickly impastoed portrait and figure paintings, he was widely considered the pre-eminent British artist of his time.

Read the rest of the story here at Reuters

It's Just a Jump to the Left

BLOG HOP!

I am not much of a scrapbooker, so forgive an old artist for not having any bells or whistles.
And fie on you, Diane, for making your house the same color! Great minds, I s'pose.

I tried to keep the colors in the copper and brass range, with the blueish tint to the house meant to play off copper patina. Brass was a little too yellow-y so most of that became more copperish.

The letter you're here for is "I" as in "I can't think of a good word starting with "i".

The next letter is at the next blog in the hop - Jodi's Kaboo Designs!

Now, put your hands on your hips...

Snot What You Think

Well, maybe it is...

A Problem of Social Media

Too many outlets and not enough time.

I've been so engrossed in networking, marketing and gossiping on Facebook that I neglected to post my own artwork on my own blog. Reprehensible! Like my blog was raped by Black Hitler. Literally!

Anywhats, without further dudes:

Phalanx is my new favorite among my landscapes. The detail and lack thereof and the flow of the image and texture came together perfectly. The change from red poppies to yellow blooms highlights it within the series, and the brighter, anonymous flowers have a cleaner provenance than poppies, letting the mind see only flowers or flashes of color.

 

 

 

Phalanx
16"x20"
Acrylic on Canvas
Sold

The first two entries in the Dana Project:

Dana No 1
Until I think of a better name.

16"x20"
Acrylic on canvas

Dana No 2

16"x20"
Acrylic on canvas

Somewhat less marketable on Etsy, these are of Dana DeArmond, AKA The Internet's Girlfriend (links likely NSFW). Yeah, I know. She's a porn star. I stumbledupon her tumblr blogcastbook and saw some of her self-pics and loved them. That and I'm a sucker for brunettes. I'd been looking for a subject for a series based on self-pics, especially webcam or phonecam pics and her's were perfect. I asked her if she minded if I painted a few and she said "no problem". Problem is, I've been trying to get her attention to at least show her the finished product, but as far as I can tell she has no email address and my questions on her Tumblr have gone unanswered.

Perfectly Preserved Woolly Mammoth Discovered in Siberia

The preserved body of a juvenile wooly mammoth was found in Siberia by a group of scientists hunting for fossilized tusk. It is so well preserved that it still has it's strawberry blonde hair. The full story will be aired in an upcoming BBC/Discovery documentary.

GINGER MAMMOTH!

366 Days

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.   

E Joseph Cossman

"I can't see how it's not cancer."

That's how my day went, one year ago today. My cancerversary.

I had figured out that I had some sort of cancer before I got that casual confirmation. Everything I'd read said either an infection or cancer. Infection had already been ruled out. I don't know if my knowing affected my reaction as much as one would think. That dramatic surprise wasn't there, but like a lot of people, I sit in every doctor's office certain that they're going to find something horrible. Sucks being right sometimes.

Of course, knowing makes no difference in how you go from there. You just have to deal with it as long as you can until it's done. If I had to sum it all up, that's how I'd describe my experience with surgery and treatment and the permanent effects of treatment. Endurance. That necessity of life in general, enhanced a bit. Quite a bit at first, but now it's slowed to a steady pace and it's just another thing to deal with like brushing your teeth twice a day, plus.

That's kind of a good analogy, actually. I used to brush my teeth twice a day, sometimes three. Now I have to brush my teeth four or five times a day, at least. No saliva and stuff. I used to be able to wolf down a slice of pizza in about 30 seconds if I was in a hurry. Now, one slice is a half hour affair and it's cold and I'm bored and tired of chewing by the then.

But this wasn't meant to be a gripey post. I'm grateful to be here, one year later, to be able to write this. The support that friends and family and complete strangers, and even Pizza Hut gave me didn't kill the cancer, but they saved my heart and mind from certain collapse. My parents did what parents are supposed to do and took care of me. Babied me, almost, highlighting how amazing they are, sharper against the dimness of the many horrible families I've known.

It's 366 because of Leap Year, in case you're wondering.

Short Memories

Or is it that I'm just old and already know crap people are just rediscovering now? Prolly.

It started with the "pink slime" uproar. There's this "food product" that is basically taking the less palatable parts of the animal we've already butchered for the good parts, and process them with ammonium hydroxide to make it edible. Essentially, the "meat" used is connective tissue like ligaments and cartilage and such.

Apparently this is all of the sudden unacceptable, even though it's basically hot dog meat, or some other kind of processed sausage. I guess that once it's made into a nugget or burger patty, that's somehow deceptive and evil.

Then there's the ubiquitous 'bugs in my food' freakout every time some freshman journalist discovers that there are government standards for how much bug we allow in our processed food. A story as old as me. Or older, since I probably "re-discovered" these truths in the same way people are now.

Today I read an article from CBS News about how awful it is that Starbucks has crushed beetles in it. The same beetles that people were in a uproar over in the 90s when they found out that Snapple Watermelon has crushed cochineal beetles in it.

Credit: Frank Vincentz

 

These bugs have been used for color since before this country was founded. The color was first recorded used by Mayans in the 15th century. Our first stamps used ink made with these bugs. Carmine rose, carmine and carmine lake, all from the carminic acid found in the beetle.
In fact, this is one of the tools forensic art historians use to determine if a painting is authentic or not. There aren't many paints still made with this color, as the process to get the color is slow and expensive. Alizarin Crimson came along and supplanted it. Forgeries often fail to take this into account and use modern pigments.

Wikipedia: "Cochineal is one of the few water-soluble colorants that resist degradation with time. It is one of the most light- and heat-stable and oxidation-resistant of all the natural organic colorants and is even more stable than many synthetic food colours. The water-soluble form is used in alcoholic drinks with calcium carmine; the insoluble form is used in a wide variety of products. Together with ammonium carmine, they can be found in meat, sausages, processed poultry products (meat products cannot be coloured in the United States unless they are labeled as such), surimi, marinades, alcoholic drinks, bakery products and toppings, cookies, desserts, icings, pie fillings, jams, preserves, gelatin desserts, juice beverages, varieties of cheddar cheese and other dairy products, sauces, and sweets."

Banksy's Origamifitti

Banksy left another little morsel behind somewhere in the UK (I think).

 

Yet to be verified, but I thought it was pretty cool, either way.

Breakfast Muffins

Super easy, you can change it up to make lots of different muffins.
Full disclosure: I didn't come up with this, but I also don't remember where I saw it. I'm sure I altered it a bit as well. Oh well.

Blanch, or half-fry some bacon. One slice per egg you plan to make. Fry an extra slice or two all the way done if you plan on adding bacon bits to the eggs as I did.

I had mushrooms in the fridge so I sliced two up and fried the slices in the bacon grease while the last two slices were cooking. About 15-20 each side.

Using a couple of forks, drop the bacon in a cup of a muffin pan, pressing the bacon so it lines the cup as best you can. It helps in removal if the pan is non-stick, but the bacon grease dripping in the cup helps.

Crack an egg into each bacon lined cup.

Place one of the fried mushroom slices on top of the egg-cup.

Sprinkle salt, pepper, basil and crumbled bacon bits to the top of each egg-cup.

Cover each egg-cup with cheese. I had only American slices, which were fine, but a nice cheddar would have been great.

Sprinkle Parmesian cheese on each egg-cup.

Bake for 15 minutes at 350. The yellow should be just starting to cook at this point. Adjust times up or down depending on how you like your eggs.

If the eggs are cooked enough, they should come out of the muffin pan cups with a little coaxing. I slid a butter knife around the edges of each one and used a fork (or spoon) to finish the job. They then slid easily onto the plate, looking like little egg muffins.

Fast Food

Not Mickey D's, just faster than normal.

Everytime I'm shopping I pass the frozen birds. I've always wanted to try a goose. There must be a reason people used to eat them on special occasions. I'm thinking they probably taste like turkey. The other day I passed the freezer case and they were having a sale on Cornish game hens. I think it was two for $5 or something like that.

I was thinking I could make a nice stew of them, like a hunter's stew or something. I keep getting flashes of the stew Sam was making in The Lord of the Rings, which always looked so tasty, and then it gets abandoned and no one gets to try it! So, I was planning to make something simple and basic along those lines. I bought the Cajun trinity; celery, onions and green peppers (well, I cheated, I get red peppers), and a leek, which I'd never cooked before either.

When it came down to it, I couldn't find any recipes for this sort of stew based on game bird. I was 'winging it' but I didn't want to fly blind. It was getting late, so I chose a basic roasting recipe that sounded decent and modified it.

I used 2 hens, but this can be adapted for more. It can also be used for regular chicken or even better, duck. I also used Lipton Soup mix to save time. You can use fresh onions and spices in its place. The one thing about this quick recipe that didn't come out as I'd hoped is the onions didn't rehydrate very well while roasting. I would like to try making the sauce early so the onions have a chance to reconstitute more.

Preheat oven to 425

2-4 game hens
Jar of seedless raspberry jam or preserves
1 Packet of Lipton Onion Soup Mix
2 tbsp Teriyaki sauce
2 tbsp Mirin or rice vinegar

Rinse and place the hens in a casserole
Mix the remaining ingredients in a bowl
Spoon sauce over birds, making sure to coat them equally well

Place the dish in the oven and immediately turn it down to 350
Cook for 30-40 minutes, basting the hens in the sauce two or three times, especially near the end

I made them with mashed potatoes as the sauce makes excellent gravy.


According to The Joy of Cooking, Cornish Game Hens are actually just small chickens and the fear of gaminess or all dark meat is unfounded. It really was pretty much like a small chicken.

I'm Confused

I have previously reported (term used loosely) that Damien Hirst had died. With links to news stories that are still live, yet there are a number of articles out there right now reporting on upcoming events and shows Damien Hirst is either attending or the object of. The latter I can understand, but the former?

http://arrestedmotion.com/2012/03/preview-damien-hirst-retrospective-tate-modern/



http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2012/mar/11/damien-hirst-tate-retrospective-interview?commentpage=last#end-of-comments

Three Ways To Tell When You've Been Bought By a Corporation

One: You repackage your product with hip colors and smiling, generic faces.
Two: You send out mailers with "personal stories" of people's "experiences" with your product.
Three: Rename your product "My-Something"

You old hacks know that Myspace has been officially dead for at least 5 years right?! You're the same hepcat cool kids still running the music industry, the same losers who pine for the return of the Rat Pack, who booked Tony Bennett to play the Grammies! The award show giving awards to music which is in almost every way the complete tonal and philosophical opposite to Bennett's music. The same people who think Madonna is still relevant and Lady Gaga is a brilliant artist.

Yeah, I know this is just radio, but I am certain if I looked further than I care to, ever, I'd find that they are now owned by one of the same companies that owns Lady Gaga or Madonna.